Go Ahead, Grant My Wish!

Some days are just made to soar with a sorcerer. I bet you think wishes are hogwash. Well, they aren't. Take the following for instance.

A couple of weeks ago I needed to look at the classified ads but didn't have a newspaper. I thought, "I wish I had a newspaper." Later, a young burly-looking guy showed up at my door and I thought, "I wish I hadn't opened this wooden door."

He offered me a newspaper and said I could get a week's worth to try out. My eyes froze on that paper. I pushed the outside glass door's lock to the unlock position. It was jammed. Not knowing that I live by Murphy's law, he seemed a bit skeptical.

With a smile, I explained. "I really would love to try out your newspaper, but this darned door won't give me a break. Unfortunately today it's the only access because the back door has just been painted and the garage door broke in the locked position last week. Can you just leave it on the porch? I'm sure I'll eventually be able to break out from my incarceration."

"Well, ma'am," he drawled. "I'd have to have your signature first." He turned to leave.

I panicked. I had to have those classifieds. My life almost depended on it. I called after him, "Oh, please don't go. Hang with me for a few more minutes." Hearing my desperation, he turned around and slowly walked back to the door.

"Maybe rather than leave it, you could just assist me in reading it?" I suggested. Thinking he had finally figured out my true problem, he said, "Ma'am, it's written in English. You read English, don't you?"

"Oh, I certainly do read English. Been doing that for more years that I'm inclined to tell you about." His confusion was growing, but-- he was still standing there.

"Could you just flip that over to the classifieds?" I softly begged. He looked down at the paper then out toward the street. I knew he was plotting his escape. "Oh, sir -- come on," I pleaded. "I'll just take a second of your time. After all, I've already given you several minutes of my time." I think I saw him cross his eyes.

"Okay," he replied, "but I don't get paid unless I sell subscriptions. You gonna buy a subscription or not?" I thought that was a bit pushy and said, "Well, sir I understood this was a trial to see if I might want to buy a subscription in the future."

With a very firm tone and his body getting a bit rigid, he pulled out four sheets of classifieds. "Shoot!" he commanded.

"Would you look up Sorcerer, please?" I asked. He seemed to gasp and lack words with which to respond. "What?" he whinned.

Undaunted, I persisted, "Sorcerer." "S-o-r-c-e-r-e-r."

© Coninc., TheDownsideUp.Com 2006

Googled

Five years ago google meant something entirely different than it does today. Those were the good old days. When you said google everyone knew someone's head had lurched forward from their body, the jaw had dropped, the mouth had fallen opened so wide they could catch wayward flies, and their eyeballs were pushing out of the sockets. You weren't googled -- you were google something, like google-eyed and there was that knowing few who conversed in whispered tones over your utter suprise. The internet has revamped our language and Americans have acquiesed.

To be googled today is almost complimentary. You can google a friend or an enemy. You can google a thing. You can even do it to yourself.

Google.com is no doubt one of the busiest search engines (no relation to a train engine). Just type in a word -- any word -- and you get zoomed to hundreds of possibilities.

Here are a few trial runs. Type in the words to the left and up comes the information to the right.

Junk -- Call 1-800junk
Cat -- My Cat Hates You.Com
Work -- How Stuff Works.Com
Nose -- Photos of noses (you can add your own).

Okay, now you can graduate to two word look ups.

Cool dude -- "You Are A Cool Dude -- NOT" test
Big tree -- American forests
Just alike -- Twins.

With practice, a lot of time, and morbid curiosity you can excel with google or maybe the word now is gocel. 'Course, you could go sail, enjoy the sunshine, watch birds-of-a-feather, build a sandcastle and look for real google-eyes.

Call me old-fashion but I was pretty cozy with the clatters surrounding yesteryear google.

One other thing. Is blog, blog, blog the same thing as blab, blab, blab?


© Coninc., TheDownsideUp.Com 2006