Hussle Bussle Time

It's that hussle bussle time of the year. One finished turkey exits upon the promise of replacement.

There is the tree to pick out; crawling around in the attic to find that lost box of ornaments; and lights to untangle; and lights to untangle; and lights to untangle.

Living by the Christmas list: who, what, where, (we know when) is no way to live. Do you feel as if you score a point every time you scratch off someone's name?

Among other things, the Christmas season is a time for good intentions. Those include being kinder, doing a good deed, and a commitment to shop for next Christmas the week after this Christmas because everything is suddenly half price. (Yeah, right buddy.)

It seems there would be inherent problems with shopping a year early. Maybe that explains some of those unusual gifts?

Imagine sitting around the Christmas tree this year, roasting whatever the song says to roast. Your family Clause in the timeless but worn Santa Hat offers you a beautifully wrapped package. All eyes are on you. It's your turn to open.

You take a quick glance at the tag. "Ah-ha," you think to yourself, "Aunt Jane and Uncle Fred." They are well-known throughout the family for giving unique gifts. Aunt Jane always does her Christmas shopping for next year the week after Christmas this year and then brags never ending the rest of the year.

You smile politely and cautiously begin unwrapping; take a peek inside; then another. "What is it, mommy? What did you get?" young John asks. Children are so excitable. No way to camouflage.

"Oh! It's exactly what I hoped for this year," you lie. "I told you she would like it, Fred. I told you so," Aunt Jane emphasizes each word as it rolls from her mouth. Uncle Fred looks at Aunt Jane, raises both eyebrows as he tilts his head upward, folds his arms over his bowl full of jelly, and twiddles his thumbs.

"Show everyone," Aunt Jane sputters. She hiccups over the eggnog at the same time you flash a threatening glare to your spouse who is having difficulty containing his enthusiasm.

"Mommy, can I see?" young John persists. Guarding your voice to prevent the revelation of dread, slightly above a whisper you say, "Yes, of course honey." "What is it?" asks young John. You take a deep breath, "It's a 2006 Dora the Explorer calendar!"

Obviously confused, young John tugs at your arm. "Mommy?" You hesitate, then look toward him. "What is it, darling?" John's head moves slightly sideways with the innocent look of a puppy. "I thought this is 2006," he quips. Softly you answer, "Yes, it is 2006. I think Uncle Fred and Aunt Jane thought I had probably used up all of my calendars so they wanted me to have this nice new one."

Young John studies the situation, wrinkles his nose, then pushes his glasses up. "But, mommy, there's only one week left this year."

You glance back toward your spouse, hoping just once he'll bail you out, but noooooo! He's nearly choking -- fit for nothing!

Finally you muster enough poise to be gracious and at the same time realize a rare opportunity has just befallen you. "Well, Aunt Jane you really out did yourself this year. Thank you so much. I really love Dora. Guess you could say I'm a bit of an explorer, too. By the way, if by chance you should draw my husband's name for next Christmas, I have a few gift ideas you might want to consider."

Right on cue your other half rushes out of the room. Only momentarily stunned, Aunt Jane asks, "What happened to him?"

Feeling a power surge and using tremendous strength not to show it, you reply. "Oh, nothing really, he just had to go remove a wish bone from his throat."

Without any more adieu, Aunt Jane raises her hands and waves her arms as if conducting the Boston Pops. In her shrill soprano voice she jumps into the Christmas Song, skips words along the way, and ends in a finale reminiscent of well, Aunt Jane herself.

"Chestnuts roasting on an open fire, hummmmmm, hummm, humm to see if, err, yes! reindeer really know how to fly. Hummmm, kids from one to ninety-two -- hey, Fred! that even means you. Hummm, hum, although it's been said many times, many ways,

a very Merry Christmas to you!"

© Coninc., TheDownsideUp.Com 2006