Degenerate - 2; Comb Over Bunny - 0

It used to be the Hatfields versus the McCoys but that was before Rosie and Donald lashed out at each other, lashed back, then forward, upward, and downward. It is nastiness glorified by bigger-than-life fame and extreme fortune but it lacks beauty and handsomeness, class, or even basic politeness. Entertaining it is, much like an unprofessional boxing match where spectators throw their half-empty popcorn boxes in the aisle while gesturing at the ref and growling discontent.

The Hatfields and McCoys lived across State lines from each other and were moonshine rivals. The feud didn't confine itself to words on the mountain and eventually escalated to arson, murders, convictions and doing prison time.

It's undisputable that Donald's a bit shy of top hair, which underlines the old adage that money can't buy everything -- especially the thing you want the most. Equally distressing is that Rosie shows a femininity threshold of -4 on a scale of one to ten with ten being the most feminine.

Donald and Rosie are just take offs of daily soap operas, which may be the origin of their ideas, like As The World Turns and All My Children. Children?

Donald hasn't uttered an original line yet.

"She's fat and a degenerate."

Rosie shows only a hint more imagination.

"He's an EverReady comb-over bunny."

Okay! Enough, already. So, she has the most hair and they weigh about the same. We could find more creativity in a third-grade classroom and a great deal more respect for the other person whether the person is without tufts or displays some flabby tissue.

The nation may be privy to the ultimate illustration of the male and female version of the same personality type. Perhaps we are observing the inverse actions from two deeply dedicated meant-for-each-other soul mates. Remember, supposedly opposites attract.

It was unsavory when Donald's daughter rushed in to save him in a reverse parent/child role and portrayed him little, weak, helpless and beaten; forced to hide from that mean 'ole Rosie O'Donnell.

The catalyst for the thrashing between the two was Miss USA Tara Conner who was compelled to push the "let's party some more" envelope. Her broadcasted sobs were clearly just too much for Rosie and raised the question whether Miss Conner's tears merely signaled yet another Donald big-steak game. While Rosie seasoned the pot and kicked it up a notch, Donald's personage illuminated a simpleton loosely playing with a lowly human trinket. Rosie's emphasis on The Donald's he-man mentality further dehumanized Miss Conner and was redundant given the fact that he long ago cemented his skewed concepts with the public.

It goes without saying that Donald likes trinkets, especially really beautiful, warm-bodied ones. Rosie's dignity was perhaps offended by his "You can call me god" manner toward Tara. Rosie spanked him for his obvious lack of perception. Left smarting from the swat which highlighted sweeping attempts to camouflage scalp glow with yarn, Donald then set out to get even with Rosie and silence her by using an outdated version of the Shame-On-You For Existing program.

The Donald is playing out of his league. Rosie will take no hostages nor go home crying. Whether or not she has the last word, Rosie will have the final one.

The power play to drive a wedge between Rosie and Barbara Walters failed and backfired like a mouse taking a few strikes at a mama tiger looking for food to nourish her starving cubs. Walters has international credibility and single-handedly represents diversity and success for the female gender. It would reflect a lot of wisdom on his part if only Donald would fake humility and throw himself prostrate before the Queen Bee's throne. Otherwise, his flesh is likely to start gaping and his blood gushing.

The Donald should consider producing and staring in a reality show which casts he and Rosie as a married couple, role-modeling their unruly Dixie Chicks daughters and son, Two Seconds Left Romo, while co-existing with mother-in-law Wa-Wa.

Tara? Oh, she can play the subservient servant if it's okay with all the you-know-who's.

That's the purpose of the remote control television channel changer. With a flip of a button you can watch something more intellectually challenging, like re-runs of Roseanne, I love Lucy, and Lawrence Welk.

© Coninc., TheDownsideUp.Com 2007